t00fri wrote:Then I suggest he should write about SEX: "My daily experiences with the Celestia Forum"
SEX always sells.
Anyone want to be in my book, or give me ideas?
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Chuft-Captain
- Posts: 1779
- Joined: 18.12.2005
- With us: 18 years 11 months
SEX always sells.
"Is a planetary surface the right place for an expanding technological civilization?"
-- Gerard K. O'Neill (1969)
CATALOG SYNTAX HIGHLIGHTING TOOLS LAGRANGE POINTS
-- Gerard K. O'Neill (1969)
CATALOG SYNTAX HIGHLIGHTING TOOLS LAGRANGE POINTS
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Chuft-Captain
- Posts: 1779
- Joined: 18.12.2005
- With us: 18 years 11 months
Cham wrote:And what about the farts gun ? This is a terrible weapon, shooting farts at the enemy could be devastating !
Deadly if lit !
"Is a planetary surface the right place for an expanding technological civilization?"
-- Gerard K. O'Neill (1969)
CATALOG SYNTAX HIGHLIGHTING TOOLS LAGRANGE POINTS
-- Gerard K. O'Neill (1969)
CATALOG SYNTAX HIGHLIGHTING TOOLS LAGRANGE POINTS
When you stimulate a persons mind and intellegence instead of his ego... You will be fairly satisfied by your efforts...
And do not write it for anyone but yourself... Let it be an extention of your intellegence... Let your spirit talk instead of the ego and you might impress yourself...
And do not write it for anyone but yourself... Let it be an extention of your intellegence... Let your spirit talk instead of the ego and you might impress yourself...
I'm trying to teach the cavemen how to play scrabble, its uphill work. The only word they know is Uhh and they dont know how to spell it!
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buggs_moran
- Posts: 835
- Joined: 27.09.2004
- With us: 20 years 1 month
- Location: Massachusetts, USA
Two things Mr. Parasite (make that three (edit, four (edit, five))):
1) Parasite is a good protagonist name
.
2) If you go off the ideas in this forum you could have a extremely strange Douglas Adams knockoff. The Vegetarian Parasite of Epsilon Erandi...
3) I agree with Selden, you need to focus on your grammar. Go purchase Strunk and White's "Elements of Style" and make it required reading. Then read it again. If you don't want to buy it, I believe it is here http://www.bartleby.com/141/. I have always wanted to pen a novel as well, but frankly, time is not on my side, nor is willpower...
MS Word will not tackle your problems. See http://www.future-perfect.co.uk/grammartips/spell-checker.asp on spell checkers.
4) I agree with Fridger on the war thing. You do not need war to have conflict. However, write what moves you. Stephen King said to write what you know. Maybe you could write from a student's perspective. Maybe Halo players around the world are fighting a real war.
5) Read, read, read, read, read, read, read, and then....read.
1) Parasite is a good protagonist name
.
2) If you go off the ideas in this forum you could have a extremely strange Douglas Adams knockoff. The Vegetarian Parasite of Epsilon Erandi...
3) I agree with Selden, you need to focus on your grammar. Go purchase Strunk and White's "Elements of Style" and make it required reading. Then read it again. If you don't want to buy it, I believe it is here http://www.bartleby.com/141/. I have always wanted to pen a novel as well, but frankly, time is not on my side, nor is willpower...
MS Word will not tackle your problems. See http://www.future-perfect.co.uk/grammartips/spell-checker.asp on spell checkers.
4) I agree with Fridger on the war thing. You do not need war to have conflict. However, write what moves you. Stephen King said to write what you know. Maybe you could write from a student's perspective. Maybe Halo players around the world are fighting a real war.
5) Read, read, read, read, read, read, read, and then....read.
Homebrew:
WinXP Pro SP2
Asus A7N8X-E Deluxe
AMD Athlon XP 3000/333 2.16 GHz
1 GB Crucial RAM
80 GB WD SATA drive
ATI AIW 9600XT 128M
WinXP Pro SP2
Asus A7N8X-E Deluxe
AMD Athlon XP 3000/333 2.16 GHz
1 GB Crucial RAM
80 GB WD SATA drive
ATI AIW 9600XT 128M
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Topic authorHunter Parasite
- Posts: 265
- Joined: 18.09.2005
- With us: 19 years 2 months
- Location: CT
-
Topic authorHunter Parasite
- Posts: 265
- Joined: 18.09.2005
- With us: 19 years 2 months
- Location: CT
I have a treat for you, the terrible prolouge and first chapter of my Book.
Prolouge
Enter Curt
Humanity's understanding of the universe, or the multiverse and all it's dimensions for the matter, is very, very thin. Of course, being the curious species we are, there are bound to be individuals who are mentally attached to the self-proclaimed task of finding this abundant knowledge. Curt, is one of many. He stands upon a lush, green field, with the distinctive triangular shape of the roof of a house in the background. He looks upon numerous star charts and open books strewn upon a plastic lawn table. He runs his hand roughly throw his dark brown hair as his green eyes search for a specific galaxy amongst the many books and charts.
Ok, so if Andromeda is Northwest of here, then I should easily spot M31. He turns his telescope to the designated position. Almost instantly he spots the familiar white haze. He focuses his lens and he started to make out the spiral arms of the galaxy. Curt smiled upon his find and he switched lenses in order to pick out more details amongst the fog-like glow. The astronomor assembled all hs books and charts, then heads back towards his dwelling. He sat lazily into his black leather computer chair and opened up his findings journal.
Thursday|August 24|2006|10:19 PM
[Log Start]
Found M31. Located and created basic map of spiral arms. Failed to locate partner clusters M110 and M32.
[Log End]
While Curt didn't notice it immediatly, he found it odd that the partner clusters weren't present. He concluded that they were concealed in the galaxys bright glow.
He lazily leaned back in his chair yawning. He figured that he would head off to bed. He went through his nightly routine of shower, brush teeth, and eat a snack.
Some hours later, at around 3 in the morning, he woke with a start to a rather loud noise. The first thing that came to mind was an explosion. He forces open his window and peers outside. A very dim light pulsates as a cloud of smoke rises from a crater some distance away.
Curt finds his way out of his house and across the vast expanse called his backyard. He wonders why no one else heard it. Even though his house is in a rather remote location, he thought at least one more person would here it.
He arrives at the crater and sticks his head above the jagged edges of the hole. What he finds leaves him speachless.
Chapter 1
The Creators
A black, sleek, object sits among all the debris and rock. Two downward curved, wing-like potrusions exist on the side of the object. Curt circles the crash site, and concludes that it is a ship of some sort. He slowly begins to climb down to the "ship". He runs his hand over the "windshield" of the ship. It seems that the window was one-way. Curt picked up a bulky piece of metal and hit the window continuosly with no avail. A few more smashes bring about a small crack. He focus' all his effort on that one small crack. As the crack grows, so does curt's antisipation. Finally he breaks through the glass and keenly peers inside.
He finds neon green lights flickering and sparks flying, but what catches his eye are two bodys. They were roughly humanoid, it was hard to tell because the bodys were greatly disfigured by the impact. They possesed hair and a light skin color. Much like that of a human.
One of the bodys groans. Curt's attention is automaticly shifted to the source of the voice. Curt makes his way over to the body. "What happened? Who are you?" Curt asks the near dead alien.
Coughing and choking, the being forces out his words, "I am Protecter. we were the last of the creators. on a trip to the Imperial Government home, we were attacked by Cold."
"Who were the creators? Who is Cold?" Curt inquires.
"We are Humanity's ancestors. You must fix the ship, bring peace to this corrupt galaxy, for a new threat awaits. And only humanity can stop it..." Those were the last words Protector spoke before his body went limp and pale.
Curt backs away from the bodys and surveys his surroundings. The green and bue light and panels flicker and dim. He goes up to a paticular panel, which consists of several gauges, meters, and charts. A series of geometric shapes, presumably their language, changed to english on the contact of his hand. Now all the bars and meters and charts have meanings.
Life support:67%
Current helium-3 consumption:0%
Weaponry active:0%...
And the list goes on and on... "Now how am I supposed to fix this ship?"
"I can help you." a female voice states.
"Who said that?" Curt snap his head around in fear and confusion.
"I am Mystic. This ships AI. I can see that my Creators are dead. How unfortunate. That aside I can help you repair this ship." Mystic says.
"Ok, what parts are damaged?" Curt asks.
"The outer hull has major damage, the Helium-3 tanks need replacing, and the main weapons system needs repair."
"So... How will I fix this?"
"You can replace the helium-3 tanks with a large pressurized tank, you can use polymetal to repair the hull. Polymetal is an alloy of titarion and imperial construction metal. The weapons system just needs some re-wiring."
"Were can I get polymetal?"
"There should be some extra onboard."
After tedious hours of cleaning, and repairing of the ship, under the watch of mystic, he finished the ship.
"Ok, finished repairs, how do I get it out of this hole?"
"Fly it out of course."
"How might I do that?"
"Place your finger tip on the scanner to your left. This will confirm that you contain creator DNA so that this ship can not be hijacked by non-humanoids."
"Ok, done."
"Put your hands on the circles to your left and right. Now, concentrate on powering up the ship. Good, Now concentrate on lifting up." The ship began to shudder as it hovered off the ground.
"I think i'll take control now. How about a tour of the solar system?"
From a an unknown location far away, a dark figure watches as the green thrusters of the ship shine like a comet, going faster and faster until it leaves the atmosphere.
The figures dark, purple eyes widen in realization. The humans have discovered the creators technology. He searches his war suit for his communicator. He finds the blue gem. He squeezes it. "Over lord! It is time! We must act." He says in a surprisingly deep and demonic voice.
"Ok, let's start with mercury, put on this climate suit so you can venture onto the surface. All the controls in the suit are maintained by thinking. Just think it, and it'll happen."
"Cool." As Curt finished piecing together the suit, mystic spoke, "Hold on, just one more thing. Go over to the control panel, and put your hand on the transfer link."
He does so, and a bright, green light travels up his arm, and into his chest. Then, the light turns into a web-like mesh that covers him, then disintergrates.
"What happened?" Curt asks.
I have been intergrated into your suit system, so I can go where you go. I can also help you control the suit's functions." The sudden blast of words into his ears through the internal speakers startles him.
"Now, that's cool."
As the ship orbits the tiny planetoid, Curt walks over to the Gravity lift. He jumps into the green pilar of light, and slowly glides to the surface of the planet. Immediatly he notices a bush of jagged, orange pieces of glass.
"What the hell is that?"
"I don't know, go get a closer look."
Curt took a couple more steps, but the bush suddenly flys easily 30 feet in the air. Curt picks out what look like feet on the bottom of the bush.
"Life on Mercury?! you're kidding me!" Curt yells, sounding almost like a complaint.
"What should you call it?" Mystic wonders aloud.
"Well, it looks like a thistle, so I'll call it a Mercurian Thistle." Suddenly The words MERCURIAN THISLE ADDED appeared on his visor.
"What the-" But Mystic beat him to it.
"I added that to you log."
"Oh. Now, how about we collect some soil samples?"
==============================
Terrible, isn't it? Grammars terrible.
Prolouge
Enter Curt
Humanity's understanding of the universe, or the multiverse and all it's dimensions for the matter, is very, very thin. Of course, being the curious species we are, there are bound to be individuals who are mentally attached to the self-proclaimed task of finding this abundant knowledge. Curt, is one of many. He stands upon a lush, green field, with the distinctive triangular shape of the roof of a house in the background. He looks upon numerous star charts and open books strewn upon a plastic lawn table. He runs his hand roughly throw his dark brown hair as his green eyes search for a specific galaxy amongst the many books and charts.
Ok, so if Andromeda is Northwest of here, then I should easily spot M31. He turns his telescope to the designated position. Almost instantly he spots the familiar white haze. He focuses his lens and he started to make out the spiral arms of the galaxy. Curt smiled upon his find and he switched lenses in order to pick out more details amongst the fog-like glow. The astronomor assembled all hs books and charts, then heads back towards his dwelling. He sat lazily into his black leather computer chair and opened up his findings journal.
Thursday|August 24|2006|10:19 PM
[Log Start]
Found M31. Located and created basic map of spiral arms. Failed to locate partner clusters M110 and M32.
[Log End]
While Curt didn't notice it immediatly, he found it odd that the partner clusters weren't present. He concluded that they were concealed in the galaxys bright glow.
He lazily leaned back in his chair yawning. He figured that he would head off to bed. He went through his nightly routine of shower, brush teeth, and eat a snack.
Some hours later, at around 3 in the morning, he woke with a start to a rather loud noise. The first thing that came to mind was an explosion. He forces open his window and peers outside. A very dim light pulsates as a cloud of smoke rises from a crater some distance away.
Curt finds his way out of his house and across the vast expanse called his backyard. He wonders why no one else heard it. Even though his house is in a rather remote location, he thought at least one more person would here it.
He arrives at the crater and sticks his head above the jagged edges of the hole. What he finds leaves him speachless.
Chapter 1
The Creators
A black, sleek, object sits among all the debris and rock. Two downward curved, wing-like potrusions exist on the side of the object. Curt circles the crash site, and concludes that it is a ship of some sort. He slowly begins to climb down to the "ship". He runs his hand over the "windshield" of the ship. It seems that the window was one-way. Curt picked up a bulky piece of metal and hit the window continuosly with no avail. A few more smashes bring about a small crack. He focus' all his effort on that one small crack. As the crack grows, so does curt's antisipation. Finally he breaks through the glass and keenly peers inside.
He finds neon green lights flickering and sparks flying, but what catches his eye are two bodys. They were roughly humanoid, it was hard to tell because the bodys were greatly disfigured by the impact. They possesed hair and a light skin color. Much like that of a human.
One of the bodys groans. Curt's attention is automaticly shifted to the source of the voice. Curt makes his way over to the body. "What happened? Who are you?" Curt asks the near dead alien.
Coughing and choking, the being forces out his words, "I am Protecter. we were the last of the creators. on a trip to the Imperial Government home, we were attacked by Cold."
"Who were the creators? Who is Cold?" Curt inquires.
"We are Humanity's ancestors. You must fix the ship, bring peace to this corrupt galaxy, for a new threat awaits. And only humanity can stop it..." Those were the last words Protector spoke before his body went limp and pale.
Curt backs away from the bodys and surveys his surroundings. The green and bue light and panels flicker and dim. He goes up to a paticular panel, which consists of several gauges, meters, and charts. A series of geometric shapes, presumably their language, changed to english on the contact of his hand. Now all the bars and meters and charts have meanings.
Life support:67%
Current helium-3 consumption:0%
Weaponry active:0%...
And the list goes on and on... "Now how am I supposed to fix this ship?"
"I can help you." a female voice states.
"Who said that?" Curt snap his head around in fear and confusion.
"I am Mystic. This ships AI. I can see that my Creators are dead. How unfortunate. That aside I can help you repair this ship." Mystic says.
"Ok, what parts are damaged?" Curt asks.
"The outer hull has major damage, the Helium-3 tanks need replacing, and the main weapons system needs repair."
"So... How will I fix this?"
"You can replace the helium-3 tanks with a large pressurized tank, you can use polymetal to repair the hull. Polymetal is an alloy of titarion and imperial construction metal. The weapons system just needs some re-wiring."
"Were can I get polymetal?"
"There should be some extra onboard."
After tedious hours of cleaning, and repairing of the ship, under the watch of mystic, he finished the ship.
"Ok, finished repairs, how do I get it out of this hole?"
"Fly it out of course."
"How might I do that?"
"Place your finger tip on the scanner to your left. This will confirm that you contain creator DNA so that this ship can not be hijacked by non-humanoids."
"Ok, done."
"Put your hands on the circles to your left and right. Now, concentrate on powering up the ship. Good, Now concentrate on lifting up." The ship began to shudder as it hovered off the ground.
"I think i'll take control now. How about a tour of the solar system?"
From a an unknown location far away, a dark figure watches as the green thrusters of the ship shine like a comet, going faster and faster until it leaves the atmosphere.
The figures dark, purple eyes widen in realization. The humans have discovered the creators technology. He searches his war suit for his communicator. He finds the blue gem. He squeezes it. "Over lord! It is time! We must act." He says in a surprisingly deep and demonic voice.
"Ok, let's start with mercury, put on this climate suit so you can venture onto the surface. All the controls in the suit are maintained by thinking. Just think it, and it'll happen."
"Cool." As Curt finished piecing together the suit, mystic spoke, "Hold on, just one more thing. Go over to the control panel, and put your hand on the transfer link."
He does so, and a bright, green light travels up his arm, and into his chest. Then, the light turns into a web-like mesh that covers him, then disintergrates.
"What happened?" Curt asks.
I have been intergrated into your suit system, so I can go where you go. I can also help you control the suit's functions." The sudden blast of words into his ears through the internal speakers startles him.
"Now, that's cool."
As the ship orbits the tiny planetoid, Curt walks over to the Gravity lift. He jumps into the green pilar of light, and slowly glides to the surface of the planet. Immediatly he notices a bush of jagged, orange pieces of glass.
"What the hell is that?"
"I don't know, go get a closer look."
Curt took a couple more steps, but the bush suddenly flys easily 30 feet in the air. Curt picks out what look like feet on the bottom of the bush.
"Life on Mercury?! you're kidding me!" Curt yells, sounding almost like a complaint.
"What should you call it?" Mystic wonders aloud.
"Well, it looks like a thistle, so I'll call it a Mercurian Thistle." Suddenly The words MERCURIAN THISLE ADDED appeared on his visor.
"What the-" But Mystic beat him to it.
"I added that to you log."
"Oh. Now, how about we collect some soil samples?"
==============================
Terrible, isn't it? Grammars terrible.
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GlobeMaker
- Posts: 216
- Joined: 30.10.2005
- With us: 19 years
Hi Hunter,
I enjoyed reading your short story. Do you make it up while you are writing it or plan it out first? You can publish short stories easily in three magazines. They will pay $0.05 per word. The story can be as short as 700 words or up to 80,000 words. The names of the magazines are :
Analog Science Fiction and Fact
Asimov's Science Fiction
Fantasy and Science Fiction
There are several other places to publish Sci Fi but these are the best paying and the easiest to submit paper, doublespaced manuscripts to. A book that is more than 80,000 words can be submitted to DAW of Penguin Books.
There is great demand for Sci Fi original work, and you can be paid in 8 weeks. If you include comedy, it increases the demand. Unknown authors are welcome at publishing houses for Sci Fi.
Keep up the high energy writing, I liked the fast pace of action.
I enjoyed reading your short story. Do you make it up while you are writing it or plan it out first? You can publish short stories easily in three magazines. They will pay $0.05 per word. The story can be as short as 700 words or up to 80,000 words. The names of the magazines are :
Analog Science Fiction and Fact
Asimov's Science Fiction
Fantasy and Science Fiction
There are several other places to publish Sci Fi but these are the best paying and the easiest to submit paper, doublespaced manuscripts to. A book that is more than 80,000 words can be submitted to DAW of Penguin Books.
There is great demand for Sci Fi original work, and you can be paid in 8 weeks. If you include comedy, it increases the demand. Unknown authors are welcome at publishing houses for Sci Fi.
Keep up the high energy writing, I liked the fast pace of action.
Your wish is my command line.
The story proceeds too fast. No one would act as fearless as your hero does in real life. What about the feelings, doubts and thoughts of your characters? They are essential for a good story development.
maxim
maxim
Get my stuff from celestia.ziegelstein.net
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ElChristou
- Developer
- Posts: 3776
- Joined: 04.02.2005
- With us: 19 years 9 months
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Topic authorHunter Parasite
- Posts: 265
- Joined: 18.09.2005
- With us: 19 years 2 months
- Location: CT
GlobeMaker wrote:Hi Hunter,
I enjoyed reading your short story. Do you make it up while you are writing it or plan it out first? You can publish short stories easily in three magazines. They will pay $0.05 per word. The story can be as short as 700 words or up to 80,000 words. The names of the magazines are :
Analog Science Fiction and Fact
Asimov's Science Fiction
Fantasy and Science Fiction
There are several other places to publish Sci Fi but these are the best paying and the easiest to submit paper, doublespaced manuscripts to. A book that is more than 80,000 words can be submitted to DAW of Penguin Books.
There is great demand for Sci Fi original work, and you can be paid in 8 weeks. If you include comedy, it increases the demand. Unknown authors are welcome at publishing houses for Sci Fi.
Keep up the high energy writing, I liked the fast pace of action.
I kindof do both, i made up most of the stuff in the begining, but the story changed dramaticly, due to the way it was going made it different then it originally was. There is some robotics though, you know, Limbs, weapons attached to your arm. That kind of thing. Chapter 2 soon, Im already writing chapter 5 or 6. Cant remember. Maxim, Curt is part of the Offspring(The Humans) or the descendants of the creators. So, he is supposed to act heroic. Even though the humans are known as weak and curt will prove them wrong.
Hunter Parasite wrote:Maxim, Curt is part of the Offspring(The Humans) or the descendants of the creators. So, he is supposed to act heroic. Even though the humans are known as weak and curt will prove them wrong.
Well, but you shouldn't need to explain that. The reader should at least have vage idea of something special that's going on.
Stuff like:
Code: Select all
"Strangely he felt no fear when approaching the place.",
"`I should be afraid of this` he thought, but he felt that he wasn't even suprised."
should hint the reader.
maxim
Get my stuff from celestia.ziegelstein.net
-
Topic authorHunter Parasite
- Posts: 265
- Joined: 18.09.2005
- With us: 19 years 2 months
- Location: CT
-
Topic authorHunter Parasite
- Posts: 265
- Joined: 18.09.2005
- With us: 19 years 2 months
- Location: CT
Chapter 2 i feel is ready for you to veiw.
Chapter 2
Screamers
After finishing the collection of the soil samples, he procedes to return to the landing zone. Halfway there he notices a thistle is following him. He turns around to see the thistle hop away. He continues, not minding the creature. As he reaches the gravity lift, that same thistle jumps onto his back, knocking him face-first into the alien dirt.
"Ow. Hey! get off me! GET OFF!!!" The thistle ignores the demand and seems to be cuttling with him.
"Oh look, it want's to go with us."
"Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt." Curt grabs the thistle and cradles it in his arms. He finishes his journey to the Grav lift.
After the whole ordeal, the finally have left the orbit of the small planetoid.
"Let's go to the morning star, shall we?"
"Enjoying yourself?"
"Yep."
"So... What is human life like?"
"Terrible. War, money, ignorance. Really terrible."
"Really? There must be something good!"
"Nothing I can think of."
"It figures."
As the ship gets closer to Venus, the creamy tan clouds start to take shape. Venus is simalir to earth, only with almost the exact same mass and size, but that's is where the similarities end. The planet is concealed by a thick, toxic atmosphere, containing high amounts of carbon dioxide, carbon monoxide, and nitrogen. The barren surface of the planet is intensly hot. Hottest planet surface in the solar system. Tempatures can reach a scorching 800 degrees farenheit. The landscape is barely quenched by acidic rain. Sounds uninhabitable, right? Well, not quite...
The ship approaches slowly, then decends into the thick clouds. When the ship is 30 feet off the ground, Curt activates the grav-lift. He places his hand on the control panel, letting the green webbing consume his body. Feeling the other intelligence occupy his mind.
He steps over to the grav-lift, he stares down the green pillar, mesmorized by the colors.
"Are you gonna go or what?"
Mystic startles Curt out of his hypnotic state. He leaps into the lift and slowly decends to the
melted surface of the planet.
"Squishy... Mystic, do you detect any signs of life? Wait, don't tell me, you do!"
"Actually, yes. I detect minor life 20... No 30 meters from here."
"Figures. How big?"
"Very small."
Curt walks the short distance, and he comes to the edge of a hill, below him, a vast, sandy, melted, valley. Several frog-like creatures huddle close together. One gazes up and see's curt. It lets out a high-pitched scream. The turn and see him. the start 'Bouncing' towards him, bearing razor sharp teeth.
"I think we should leave now."
"Good idea." Curt does a 180 and runs for his life.
"I'll turn on your energy shields so you can run easier."
"That's better. OH SH-" One of the frogs jumps on him and starts to make the energy shield flicker.
"The shields will fail unless you get that off of you!"
"Damn screamers!"
Curt grabs it's round body and throws it off. He stumbles to his feet and keeps running. Now the lift is only a few feet in front of him. He dives into the beam and is pulled up instantly. He reaches the top of the lift and is thrown onto the floor. The lift flickers of and he jumps into the control seat. He puts his hand on the panel, and he feels Mystic leaving him.
"Alright now let's go to Mars."
Mars has seen many theories involving Intelligent life, Water, and even once being earth-like
All of these could be true. Great canals and oceans are left behind from the supposed bodys of water. Let's just say life once existed on mars. Life would need water, an oxygen and nitrogen dominate atmosphere. Plate tectonics would be needed in order to keep an atmosphere, but sadly, mars is to small and doesn't have enough internal heat to have plate tectonics.
But in present times, all that is left of this lush world, is a vast, red, desert. We can't say life is there, but we can't say there isn't....
The red planet came into view. The ship, which Curt now calls The Heretic slowly approached the dead world.
"Mystic, give me Basic ship statistics."
"Very well. Climate Control/Life support, 100%. Primary and secondary weapon system, 100%. Helium-3 consumption/Fuel efficancy, 40%/90%. Hull Damage, 0%."
"Good. Enter Mars orbit. Prepare The Gravity lift."
"Yes Curt."
The Heretic lowers down to the rusted soil. The grav lift activates, sending the familiar green pillar into the ground. Curt once more puts his hand on the panel, letting the AI enter his conscience like so many time before. He leaps into the lift and is lowered onto the dry, cold, surface. He survey his vast, red, surroundings. Long plains surround him. The only remotly interesting feature is a pile of rocks and what looks like the edge of a cliff. He starts to walk over to the rocks, but a small rock, about the size of your fist, suddenly rolls down the miniscule slope, away from the pile.
Curt stops, staring at the boulder.
"I wish I had a gun."
Curt looks arund and picks up a fairly large rock. He grips it tight and slowly sneaks over to the pile. When he is about a meter from the pile, and red blur shoots out from the pile and smashes into him. He drops the rock and flies back from the shear force of the blow. His vission is bluured as he slips into unconciousness. His mind registers a Vaugely humanoid figure standing over him before he goes unconcious. The skin has a red tone and with a cluster of three fierce red eyes on each side of it's head. Muscles bulge on the arms and legs, while abs are clearly defined. It's spine is curved , so it hunches over, letting it's arms hang over Curt's body. At the end of those arms, were enormus hands, and long, talon-like claws.
It sticks his face into curt's. A mouth piece covers most of it's face, He uses a single hand to pick up Curt's motionless body, dragging it a great distance.
that was long.
Chapter 2
Screamers
After finishing the collection of the soil samples, he procedes to return to the landing zone. Halfway there he notices a thistle is following him. He turns around to see the thistle hop away. He continues, not minding the creature. As he reaches the gravity lift, that same thistle jumps onto his back, knocking him face-first into the alien dirt.
"Ow. Hey! get off me! GET OFF!!!" The thistle ignores the demand and seems to be cuttling with him.
"Oh look, it want's to go with us."
"Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt." Curt grabs the thistle and cradles it in his arms. He finishes his journey to the Grav lift.
After the whole ordeal, the finally have left the orbit of the small planetoid.
"Let's go to the morning star, shall we?"
"Enjoying yourself?"
"Yep."
"So... What is human life like?"
"Terrible. War, money, ignorance. Really terrible."
"Really? There must be something good!"
"Nothing I can think of."
"It figures."
As the ship gets closer to Venus, the creamy tan clouds start to take shape. Venus is simalir to earth, only with almost the exact same mass and size, but that's is where the similarities end. The planet is concealed by a thick, toxic atmosphere, containing high amounts of carbon dioxide, carbon monoxide, and nitrogen. The barren surface of the planet is intensly hot. Hottest planet surface in the solar system. Tempatures can reach a scorching 800 degrees farenheit. The landscape is barely quenched by acidic rain. Sounds uninhabitable, right? Well, not quite...
The ship approaches slowly, then decends into the thick clouds. When the ship is 30 feet off the ground, Curt activates the grav-lift. He places his hand on the control panel, letting the green webbing consume his body. Feeling the other intelligence occupy his mind.
He steps over to the grav-lift, he stares down the green pillar, mesmorized by the colors.
"Are you gonna go or what?"
Mystic startles Curt out of his hypnotic state. He leaps into the lift and slowly decends to the
melted surface of the planet.
"Squishy... Mystic, do you detect any signs of life? Wait, don't tell me, you do!"
"Actually, yes. I detect minor life 20... No 30 meters from here."
"Figures. How big?"
"Very small."
Curt walks the short distance, and he comes to the edge of a hill, below him, a vast, sandy, melted, valley. Several frog-like creatures huddle close together. One gazes up and see's curt. It lets out a high-pitched scream. The turn and see him. the start 'Bouncing' towards him, bearing razor sharp teeth.
"I think we should leave now."
"Good idea." Curt does a 180 and runs for his life.
"I'll turn on your energy shields so you can run easier."
"That's better. OH SH-" One of the frogs jumps on him and starts to make the energy shield flicker.
"The shields will fail unless you get that off of you!"
"Damn screamers!"
Curt grabs it's round body and throws it off. He stumbles to his feet and keeps running. Now the lift is only a few feet in front of him. He dives into the beam and is pulled up instantly. He reaches the top of the lift and is thrown onto the floor. The lift flickers of and he jumps into the control seat. He puts his hand on the panel, and he feels Mystic leaving him.
"Alright now let's go to Mars."
Mars has seen many theories involving Intelligent life, Water, and even once being earth-like
All of these could be true. Great canals and oceans are left behind from the supposed bodys of water. Let's just say life once existed on mars. Life would need water, an oxygen and nitrogen dominate atmosphere. Plate tectonics would be needed in order to keep an atmosphere, but sadly, mars is to small and doesn't have enough internal heat to have plate tectonics.
But in present times, all that is left of this lush world, is a vast, red, desert. We can't say life is there, but we can't say there isn't....
The red planet came into view. The ship, which Curt now calls The Heretic slowly approached the dead world.
"Mystic, give me Basic ship statistics."
"Very well. Climate Control/Life support, 100%. Primary and secondary weapon system, 100%. Helium-3 consumption/Fuel efficancy, 40%/90%. Hull Damage, 0%."
"Good. Enter Mars orbit. Prepare The Gravity lift."
"Yes Curt."
The Heretic lowers down to the rusted soil. The grav lift activates, sending the familiar green pillar into the ground. Curt once more puts his hand on the panel, letting the AI enter his conscience like so many time before. He leaps into the lift and is lowered onto the dry, cold, surface. He survey his vast, red, surroundings. Long plains surround him. The only remotly interesting feature is a pile of rocks and what looks like the edge of a cliff. He starts to walk over to the rocks, but a small rock, about the size of your fist, suddenly rolls down the miniscule slope, away from the pile.
Curt stops, staring at the boulder.
"I wish I had a gun."
Curt looks arund and picks up a fairly large rock. He grips it tight and slowly sneaks over to the pile. When he is about a meter from the pile, and red blur shoots out from the pile and smashes into him. He drops the rock and flies back from the shear force of the blow. His vission is bluured as he slips into unconciousness. His mind registers a Vaugely humanoid figure standing over him before he goes unconcious. The skin has a red tone and with a cluster of three fierce red eyes on each side of it's head. Muscles bulge on the arms and legs, while abs are clearly defined. It's spine is curved , so it hunches over, letting it's arms hang over Curt's body. At the end of those arms, were enormus hands, and long, talon-like claws.
It sticks his face into curt's. A mouth piece covers most of it's face, He uses a single hand to pick up Curt's motionless body, dragging it a great distance.
that was long.
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Topic authorHunter Parasite
- Posts: 265
- Joined: 18.09.2005
- With us: 19 years 2 months
- Location: CT
I think a big hole in the plot is how Curt is able to speak in English to an alien on the first meeting, and the alien understands. How is this possible?
A more plausible plotline would be for Curt to find the strange alien ship and to spend time investigating its workings. Most of this investigation can take place offstage. A small scene in which Curt investigates the workings of one interesting gizmo can be included, and the rest of the investigation can be implied.
Later communication can be done by means of a translator device, but such ideas have been done already. A more interesting method of translation would be the technological equivalent of Indian sign language / Esperanto / abstract symbols from the Primate Research Laboratory. Original solutions to the problem of interspecies communication would be worth investigating.
On space weapons, I had an interesting thought. No space warship would be painted in bright colours. I expect all space warships to be painted a matt black, using the equivalent of radar-absorbing paint. Now imagine missiles or mines that make an enemy ship easier to see, by covering them with white radar-reflecting paint. Or perhaps a small device homes in on the ship and attaches itself to the hull, emitting a tracking signal. Space is big, and anything that allows you to find the enemy would be a valuable weapon.
Why not explosive weapons? Cost, of course, and also safety. Space is big, and scattering explosives allover the cosmos would be mighty expensive. Safety is also a concern if you plan to send your own ships in afterward. Tracking weaponry would solve this problem by being a cheap weapon that allow the enemy ships to be found by the more expensive weapons that go boom.
A more plausible plotline would be for Curt to find the strange alien ship and to spend time investigating its workings. Most of this investigation can take place offstage. A small scene in which Curt investigates the workings of one interesting gizmo can be included, and the rest of the investigation can be implied.
Later communication can be done by means of a translator device, but such ideas have been done already. A more interesting method of translation would be the technological equivalent of Indian sign language / Esperanto / abstract symbols from the Primate Research Laboratory. Original solutions to the problem of interspecies communication would be worth investigating.
On space weapons, I had an interesting thought. No space warship would be painted in bright colours. I expect all space warships to be painted a matt black, using the equivalent of radar-absorbing paint. Now imagine missiles or mines that make an enemy ship easier to see, by covering them with white radar-reflecting paint. Or perhaps a small device homes in on the ship and attaches itself to the hull, emitting a tracking signal. Space is big, and anything that allows you to find the enemy would be a valuable weapon.
Why not explosive weapons? Cost, of course, and also safety. Space is big, and scattering explosives allover the cosmos would be mighty expensive. Safety is also a concern if you plan to send your own ships in afterward. Tracking weaponry would solve this problem by being a cheap weapon that allow the enemy ships to be found by the more expensive weapons that go boom.
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Topic authorHunter Parasite
- Posts: 265
- Joined: 18.09.2005
- With us: 19 years 2 months
- Location: CT
I will explain the whole language issue in the storie as not to give it away.
You have to realize that the creators were one of the most powerfull races in the local group. Other races weapons were so inferior, that they would be mere pebbles against such weaponry wielded by themselves and the Cybertoids developed. Weapons the could create a blast radius of 5 radii. enough to destroy the milkyway. They sometime painted their ships bright colors to taunt weaker civilizations.
all this will be explained later in the book. also in greater detail.
and because you people make me feel so special, i've got Chap 3 for you.
Chapter 3
The Aggressors
Curt's eyes finally opened, after being unconcious for what felt like hours. He sta up, his climate suit is still on. He looks around, first thing he notices is the metal bars. He gets up and limps over to the bars. He grasps them loosely. He peers to his left and right, vast corridors stretch on each side. Cell doors line the walls like a prison. Curt hears footsteps to his left. The red beast that attacked him, with two more, walked with big strides to his cell door. He is wearing no mask, so long, sharp teeth hang out of his jaws.
"Where am I?"
"Who are you?" It asks with a deep, demonic voice.
The voice actually frightened him. He musteres up the courage to answer. "I-I'm C-Curt..."
"Well, Curt I am Hatred. What is the name of your home world, and where is it?"
"I won't answer you!" Hatred frowns in disapointment. He holds up his hand and a green aura surrounds curt and he flies against the wall. His shields dissapate after the impact.
"What was that?" Curt asks as he struggles to get up.
"It is called telekineses, fool."
"How can you do that?"
"Quiet!" Hatred raises his hand and a ball of red energy shoots into curt. He flies back, he tries to get up, but he can't.
"So tired..." he moans.
"I'll try again. Curt, where is your home world?"
"Earth..."
"What did you say curt?"
"EARTH! I AM FROM EARTH YOU DEMON!"
There was a deafening silence. The others that accompanied Hatred had there eyes wide open and their jaws sagging. "E-earth?...." The creatures drop to their knees and bow before curt.
"Oh, mighty creator! We are regretful that we imprisoned you! Warriors, release him!"
The others get up and open the cell door. Curt steps out and stares down the red beasts.
"What is your species?"
"We are the aggressors. We are at your service creator."
"Bring me to your center of command, and get me a weapon."
"Yes creator. Daywalker, show the creator to the nest."
One of the other aggressors approaches Curt. "Follow me creator." Daywalker leads curt down a hallway that is a dark tan. Root like structures start to cover the walls as they get closer to the nest. Daywalker stops another aggressor that is walikng the hall. He speaks unknown language, wich sounded like latin and japanese rolled into one. The other aggressor takes what looks like a SMG of it's belt. The gun is a rectangle and has another rectangular petrusion coming out of the top of the gun in the front. It has a rusty red color streek on the side of the gun. He walks over to curt and hands him the gun.
"Make well use of this weapon. It is a Ripper. It uses light energy for ammunition. You do not have to worry about reloading. May it serve you well creator."
"Thank you" Curt thanks him and the aggressor continues down the hall. The reach a massive room with the deep, red webbing all over the walls.
"This is the nest." A rythimic chanting was heard over Daywalkers announcencment.
It was a room with a big, open space in the middle. There were seats occupied by at least 40 aggressors off to either side. But the thing that caught his eye was a truly massive aggressor that sat in an organic looking throne.
"So, you are the creator? The last to grace this land?" The aggressor asks with a booming voice.
By now all the chanting had stopped. The ones chanting all twisted their heads in unison, facing Curt. Curt shakes in fear, twitching his head, looking upon the demos. "Y-Yes, I am. W-Who are you?"
"I, I am Hades. Now creator. Prove your worth. Pick anyone in this room, and fight them to the death." A sudden bravado comes over Curt. Curt turns around, facing his back to Hades, he starts to walk slowly. He then does a 180 and points at Hades. "You." Everyone in the room gasps.
A big grin forms on Hades' face. "As you wish." The aggressor leaps fifty feet into the air, landing with his knee's bending inward, and his body hanging limp. He twitches to life and stands 20 feet tall. pieces of rotted flesh hang of his arms and legs, sveral gashes line is chest and neck. A twisted smile corrupts his already repulsive face. His eye clusters twitch uncontrollably. He limps towards curt and slams a fist into the ground, sending shockwaves throughout the room. Curt stmbles to the ground. Then, the others began a rythimic chanting that just added to the intensity, making Curt think he was in a religious war. He lifts his ripper and pulls the trigger. Thin, red, beams of light are released from the muzzle and fly into Hades.
Hades yells in pain as the beam making contact with his skin. Curt was aiming for the chest, but the recoil pushed the line of fire up towards Hades' head. By now, the beating of drums could be heard of the fight, making the atmosphere feel primitive. The others watching started chanting, Cre-a-tor, Cre-a-tor, Cre-a-tor. Hades covers his face as the light approaches. He limps over to Curt, who is desperatly trying to escape, and picks him up with an enormous hand. Curt drops his gun and starts to beat on Hades' hand. Hades puts a twisted smile as he tosses curt leisurely across the room.
Hades limps over to his body and picks him up again. He throws him on the ground, blood splatters on the inside of curts visor. The droplets of blood cloud his vision as he tries to get up. Hades throws a punch at curt, crushing him against the wall. Hi visor cracks and blood starts seeping out of the little fissures. little mechanical arms on the inside of his helm push out the cracked glass, and replace the HUD with holograms. Curt see's his ripper off to the left, and he tries to get up and succeeds. He limps over to the gun and picks it up, just in time for hades to pick him up again. This time, Curt lets of a rain of burning, red, light into Hades' face. Hades cries in pain, holding up his hand to block out the burning beams. He drops curt and falls to the ground, holding his face in agony. Curt fires at him again, leaving scorch marks all over Hades. Hades tries to ignore the pain and grabs curt once more. He puts pressure on curt, trying to crush him in his hand.
Daywalker is watching, and waiting in the seats. The chanting of the others grows louder.
CRE-A-TOR! CRE-A-TOR! CRE-A-TOR! The tension in Daywalker builds up to the point of release. You see, there was a ruler before Hades, Silencer was his name, he was a good ruler. But one unfortunate day, Hades consumed Energy of Growth. He grew to the size he presently is. He challenged Silencer. Hades was victorious, and he took his place. The fact that hades was even suspicious on whether or not Curt was a creator, is an insult to the entire species. "STOP!" Daywalker gets up from his seat. The room goes silent and the others turn towards him. "Why defy his claim as a creator?! If he has survived this long, than he must be a creator!"
Hades is angered by those words. "You dare confront me?! Puny soldier?! You shall pay for those-" Hades is cut off as he falls to the grounds. Burnt line of holes the back of his head. Curt is standing five feet behind the body, holding up his ripper. "Now, do you believe that i'm a creator?"
You have to realize that the creators were one of the most powerfull races in the local group. Other races weapons were so inferior, that they would be mere pebbles against such weaponry wielded by themselves and the Cybertoids developed. Weapons the could create a blast radius of 5 radii. enough to destroy the milkyway. They sometime painted their ships bright colors to taunt weaker civilizations.
all this will be explained later in the book. also in greater detail.
and because you people make me feel so special, i've got Chap 3 for you.
Chapter 3
The Aggressors
Curt's eyes finally opened, after being unconcious for what felt like hours. He sta up, his climate suit is still on. He looks around, first thing he notices is the metal bars. He gets up and limps over to the bars. He grasps them loosely. He peers to his left and right, vast corridors stretch on each side. Cell doors line the walls like a prison. Curt hears footsteps to his left. The red beast that attacked him, with two more, walked with big strides to his cell door. He is wearing no mask, so long, sharp teeth hang out of his jaws.
"Where am I?"
"Who are you?" It asks with a deep, demonic voice.
The voice actually frightened him. He musteres up the courage to answer. "I-I'm C-Curt..."
"Well, Curt I am Hatred. What is the name of your home world, and where is it?"
"I won't answer you!" Hatred frowns in disapointment. He holds up his hand and a green aura surrounds curt and he flies against the wall. His shields dissapate after the impact.
"What was that?" Curt asks as he struggles to get up.
"It is called telekineses, fool."
"How can you do that?"
"Quiet!" Hatred raises his hand and a ball of red energy shoots into curt. He flies back, he tries to get up, but he can't.
"So tired..." he moans.
"I'll try again. Curt, where is your home world?"
"Earth..."
"What did you say curt?"
"EARTH! I AM FROM EARTH YOU DEMON!"
There was a deafening silence. The others that accompanied Hatred had there eyes wide open and their jaws sagging. "E-earth?...." The creatures drop to their knees and bow before curt.
"Oh, mighty creator! We are regretful that we imprisoned you! Warriors, release him!"
The others get up and open the cell door. Curt steps out and stares down the red beasts.
"What is your species?"
"We are the aggressors. We are at your service creator."
"Bring me to your center of command, and get me a weapon."
"Yes creator. Daywalker, show the creator to the nest."
One of the other aggressors approaches Curt. "Follow me creator." Daywalker leads curt down a hallway that is a dark tan. Root like structures start to cover the walls as they get closer to the nest. Daywalker stops another aggressor that is walikng the hall. He speaks unknown language, wich sounded like latin and japanese rolled into one. The other aggressor takes what looks like a SMG of it's belt. The gun is a rectangle and has another rectangular petrusion coming out of the top of the gun in the front. It has a rusty red color streek on the side of the gun. He walks over to curt and hands him the gun.
"Make well use of this weapon. It is a Ripper. It uses light energy for ammunition. You do not have to worry about reloading. May it serve you well creator."
"Thank you" Curt thanks him and the aggressor continues down the hall. The reach a massive room with the deep, red webbing all over the walls.
"This is the nest." A rythimic chanting was heard over Daywalkers announcencment.
It was a room with a big, open space in the middle. There were seats occupied by at least 40 aggressors off to either side. But the thing that caught his eye was a truly massive aggressor that sat in an organic looking throne.
"So, you are the creator? The last to grace this land?" The aggressor asks with a booming voice.
By now all the chanting had stopped. The ones chanting all twisted their heads in unison, facing Curt. Curt shakes in fear, twitching his head, looking upon the demos. "Y-Yes, I am. W-Who are you?"
"I, I am Hades. Now creator. Prove your worth. Pick anyone in this room, and fight them to the death." A sudden bravado comes over Curt. Curt turns around, facing his back to Hades, he starts to walk slowly. He then does a 180 and points at Hades. "You." Everyone in the room gasps.
A big grin forms on Hades' face. "As you wish." The aggressor leaps fifty feet into the air, landing with his knee's bending inward, and his body hanging limp. He twitches to life and stands 20 feet tall. pieces of rotted flesh hang of his arms and legs, sveral gashes line is chest and neck. A twisted smile corrupts his already repulsive face. His eye clusters twitch uncontrollably. He limps towards curt and slams a fist into the ground, sending shockwaves throughout the room. Curt stmbles to the ground. Then, the others began a rythimic chanting that just added to the intensity, making Curt think he was in a religious war. He lifts his ripper and pulls the trigger. Thin, red, beams of light are released from the muzzle and fly into Hades.
Hades yells in pain as the beam making contact with his skin. Curt was aiming for the chest, but the recoil pushed the line of fire up towards Hades' head. By now, the beating of drums could be heard of the fight, making the atmosphere feel primitive. The others watching started chanting, Cre-a-tor, Cre-a-tor, Cre-a-tor. Hades covers his face as the light approaches. He limps over to Curt, who is desperatly trying to escape, and picks him up with an enormous hand. Curt drops his gun and starts to beat on Hades' hand. Hades puts a twisted smile as he tosses curt leisurely across the room.
Hades limps over to his body and picks him up again. He throws him on the ground, blood splatters on the inside of curts visor. The droplets of blood cloud his vision as he tries to get up. Hades throws a punch at curt, crushing him against the wall. Hi visor cracks and blood starts seeping out of the little fissures. little mechanical arms on the inside of his helm push out the cracked glass, and replace the HUD with holograms. Curt see's his ripper off to the left, and he tries to get up and succeeds. He limps over to the gun and picks it up, just in time for hades to pick him up again. This time, Curt lets of a rain of burning, red, light into Hades' face. Hades cries in pain, holding up his hand to block out the burning beams. He drops curt and falls to the ground, holding his face in agony. Curt fires at him again, leaving scorch marks all over Hades. Hades tries to ignore the pain and grabs curt once more. He puts pressure on curt, trying to crush him in his hand.
Daywalker is watching, and waiting in the seats. The chanting of the others grows louder.
CRE-A-TOR! CRE-A-TOR! CRE-A-TOR! The tension in Daywalker builds up to the point of release. You see, there was a ruler before Hades, Silencer was his name, he was a good ruler. But one unfortunate day, Hades consumed Energy of Growth. He grew to the size he presently is. He challenged Silencer. Hades was victorious, and he took his place. The fact that hades was even suspicious on whether or not Curt was a creator, is an insult to the entire species. "STOP!" Daywalker gets up from his seat. The room goes silent and the others turn towards him. "Why defy his claim as a creator?! If he has survived this long, than he must be a creator!"
Hades is angered by those words. "You dare confront me?! Puny soldier?! You shall pay for those-" Hades is cut off as he falls to the grounds. Burnt line of holes the back of his head. Curt is standing five feet behind the body, holding up his ripper. "Now, do you believe that i'm a creator?"