Celestia Forums

Guys, I need help with an English letter to seek a job position for my girlfriend. Our native language isn't English, so we're not sure if this is right. Can you point out any error that may appears here, please ? Thanks a lot in advance. Here's the letter she has written :



Montreal may 4 2004,


Name
Human Resources
Address


Dear Madam,


I am sending you an application for the position of Scheduler-Registration Technicien. I believe that I am well-qualified for the position. I’m bilingual, I have a D.E.C in Sc.Sociales from the C.E.G.E.P Lionel-groulx, I have 11 years of experience in education, more specifically at college level. I did work as an Admission Counsellor for the International Academy of design for 7 year’s, that gave me the opportunity to developped a strong interpersonal skills. And 4 year’s as a Coordinator/Registar for the Institute Icari, where I sharpen my sense of coordination.

I have considerable experience in planning and coordination in the process of building schedules. I had deadlines and alway’s anticipate to make sure to be on time. As you can see from my resume, my major tasks as a coordinator at Icari was :

to do the schedules for 5 program’s.
Schedules rooms and computer ‘s.
Registration process of student’s.
Produce class-list and contract for teacher’s.
Coordonnate teacher’s for open-house and customized formation.
Recruitment process for hiring teacher’s.
Annual forecast planning.
Cancelled Classes.
Liaison for student’s, teacher’s, administration and M.E.Q.

I was also responsible for a variety of jobs, related to registration to be done on a day-to-day basis and, through them, have strengthened my organizational skills and ability to prioritize work. I have good knowledge of Word and Excel.

I woul be pleased to review my qualifications in more detail with you. I look forward to hearing from you at your convenience.


Respectfully yours,

Name.

Cham,

Here are a few comments on what you posted:

I do not recognize many of the abbreviations, but I am not familiar with the educational system in Quebec. I don't know if they will be known to whoever will be reviewing the application. I'd suggest spelling them out unless you know that they're in common use.

"Technicien" should be "Technician".

"7 year's" should be "7 years" (this is a plural, not a possessive). This mistake was made in many places: delete all of the apostrophes (').

"developped a strong" should be "develop strong"

"sharpen" should be "sharpened" (past tense)

There are a few minor problems with tense and number in the list of experiences:

Schedules should be Scheduled

Produce class-list and contract for teacher’s.
should be
Produced class lists and contracts for teachers.

"Coordonnate" should be "Coordinate"

"Woul" should be "Would"


I hope this helps a little.

Thank you a lot, Selden.

It really helped, thanks again !